decemberr

lets updateeee.
since i posted since almost a month ago! since then ive been good. ive really started to try and turn my life around. im really not into that drama no more - and im not gonna be doing this little game shit anymore. buh i only wish i got to this earlier..and not now. but i think i got a grip of it just on time due to the fact that my ass is 18 nowwww homie :) oh yes and im not down for that stuff anymore. buhh i think thats about it. except for the fact that washington has decided to snow 50 feet of snow..UGHH! yeah cant get out and bitch its my winter vacation! shiettt....but coming jan! im hoping to get a new phone because my plan is said to upgrade but thats only if some other stuff comes thru such as (loot) so yeahh on that note thats feena' be an upgrade. this christmas is bound to not happen, so i think the tree is staying up till jan. lol which never happens our shit is always out on CHRISTMAS DAY. ha! buhh i think its a change of situation now. a delayed christmas? how about that. its no biggie, im not big on superficial things anyway. just wnat a few things cause thats some stuff that i NEED like clothes. truly, its not something i want, well i do want it but i technically REALLY need it. buh yeah thats whats going on. few other things but i think thats all i need right now. so pulling from some emotional situations thats going on - that i am not going to share - dont ask . thats how december has slowly but surely gone.

so on an ending note...
Mele Kalikimaka and Hau'oli Makahiki Hou!

to fall in love...

is to truly make everything of you - from your mentality & emotional stability to one's soul & spirit vulnerable. when you make yourself vulnerable - you give one your all & more of you for self satisfaction as well as unconsciously expecting love in return. i've done this. to fall in love... is to truly give one meaning, one reason, one conscious notification that your heart is truly in someone else's hands now. to fall in love...is to give someone your heart with all your love, appreciation, strength, mentality, emotions, respect and caring in there and hope they handle your heart with care....to fall in love is to feel jealousy, rage, disrespect, pain, stress, unappreciation, mess, fail tests & possibly be depressed. but if the love is so strong...it has the power to lift you to unexplainable levels of happiness as well as pull you down to the dwells of hell.



i think falling in love everyone must realize that this was not my intention. i did not wake up one morning, and decide to fall or decide for this to be my repercussion of my decisions or my feelings. for me, as strong as i may come across, i am fairly weak - when it comes to my emotions. fuck with my emotions, & one can truly fuck me up. (& i mean this in the most down to earth way).

"keep yah head up soulja"

ughh...been hearing that STRAIGHT for idk how many years. ever since my sophomore year i swear things been dumpin' left and right - what goes up has def'initley come down - & i'm learning to learn from these mistakes and situations that i have been dealt. for those of you who know me - know that i am not the most religious person in the book. i strongly believe in God, and all of his wonders. But its a miracle the day that you find me in church. but! its not that i love him any less, but i guess his love for me hasn't exactly taken that big toll yet - but i know it will - one day when i'm ready and he knows i'm ready. :)

Barack Obama for President!

Barack Obama for President! So lately i've been watching the news, broadcasts, and haha the view about the election. Truly, i think it's amazing. That the country is coming so close to a unbelievable change. and for those that know that i turn 18 soon, i am registered to vote. :) obama or die. thats whatsup. i am so excited to exercise my rights as an "american". (first & last time) this election is a very twisted and in-depth election that is very low but very high on multiple levels and i think it is VERY important that everyone who is eligble to vote, votes. There are so many things on the line with global warming, economy, and etc that the world needs a new hand, that they need "change" & a positive change. Barack Obama for President!

counting my angels

count your blessings and your down falls. count your lovers and your ex's. count your clothes and your kicks. counting your lessons and experiences. count your family and your friends. count it all. but in the end, count yourself.

a door will creak before it opens.
a door will struggle before it closes.

i've learned that if you fuck up you gotta count your blessings and move on.
dont dwell just smile, cause its a smile you'll never get back.
understand that something worse could always happen.
and that nothing and no one is ever the end of the world.
wipe your tears, clench your teeth and scream your lungs out.
& in the end you'll see that this is what life is about.

at the end of the day if its filled with nothing but anger...
i'll hold you and tell you "in the end everything will be okay, if
its not okay, its not the end, just remember i love you"

thats what she told me, and i'll pass it on.
so everytime you cry just remember...
eventually it will surpass and your heart will mend.
you will forgive and forget surely and eventually.
and you will smile, just because you deserve to.

so smile baby, its beautiful.


no problem is worth the stress.
and if its worth the stress, then fix ya mess.
simplicity is what im feeling like.

[kc & jojo] - tell me its real
"i think you're different from the rest!"

ps. HAPPY BIRTHDAY COURT

this is what i am.

i am hawaiian.
i am a mut.
i am a girl.
i am a woman.
i am independent.
i am dependent.
i am my mothers child.
i am my fathers daughter.
i am my brothers sister.
i am my sisters sister.
i am the baby of the family.
i am the one that cares.
i am the one that doesn't care.
i am respectful.
i do appreciate.
i do love everyone around me.
i do stereotype.
i do think aloud.
i do say stupid shit.
i do act like a little kid.
i do act more mature than you'll ever be.
i am a fighter.
i am going to be a lover.
i am a fuck-up.
i do hurt people.
i do get hurt by people.
i do not tolerate unreasnoble cruelty.
i do not like stupidity.
i hate imaturity.
i am a 4.0 student this year.
i am a changed person.
i do cry every week.
i am a cry baby. (must get to know me first.)
i am an addictive person.
i do settle for less.
i will fight for the best.
i am always going to be here.
my love will never disappear.
i am stronger than i appear.
i am weaker than i seem.
i am more determined than ever.
i am in love.
i do have goals and dreams.
i do have wishes and fantasies.
i am a sucker for shoes.
i am not the most well-to-do family.
i will give you money if i can.
i will buy a homeless person food before money.
i will say hi to someone new.
i will ease out the tension.
i will never forget your face.
i can hear my heart race.

& most of these are what others wrote about me.

this is for my baby.

how bout a round of applause? standing ovation? oo yeah.

i now see how stupid i was when i was younger. young & stupid, pretty muching hitting it on spot. for the longest time, i've had anger problems. when someone got in my face, i'd fight. when someone got me pissed off, i'd take it to a whole different level. when someone would try and instigate me, i'd let them & then we'd both take it to a level that it didn't need to be taken to. Now, i'm sitting here...looking at how stupid fighting, arguing is & how it takes you fucking no where. No, i am not condoning pain, nor am i condoning stupidity, yes sometimes anger and/or pain does take you to a point where physical conflict is the only thing one could resort to, understandable. HELLO...queen of drama right here.

im not saying my reasonings were stupid, because i do truly believe that NO ONE should be disrespected in ANY aspect of a situation, whether someone is fucked over or has fucked up. i made the mistake the past 3 years of taking all of my problems to that level, and to everyone that had to deal with that, i am sorry. i am truly now seeing how i need to concentrate on my education & my family's well-being (personal issues) & my personal health (more personal issue). friends are important to me, lord knows that but i know that sometimes i must draw the line between right and uneccesary. i won't say wrong, because i never know what is going on with the opposite side, and maybe there are always things that people don't know, but you never truly do know 110% of what happens, so why take it to a level that you don't need to.

im seventeen & im feena' be eighteen in less than two months. i'm so excited. god would i love to have so many people by my side cause i know we always use to talk about when i turn that "eighteen" what am i going to do. i got wishes. i got dreams. i got hopes. i got plans. & i most definitley have goals. with all of these things in my future! fuck, with all of these in anyone's future! why the drama to pull you down? why the drama to hold you back? mentally it doesn't feel like it nor do most see it like that. (lord knows i didn't.) but i've had such a fufillment with school this year, that drama almost seems irrelevent. i miss that everyone that i've lost. i'm truly sorry to everyone i hurt. lord knows i've cried my tears, but its not fair to anyone to dwell any longer. i've dwelled for 3 years, its enough. moving on will hurt, but moving mountains will hurt me even more. im willing to move on and see whats there for me in the future and be excited to see what's in store for me! what i have to look forward to! its...something i truly can't wait for.

& baby now i see what you meant by "i don't get why people don't have that drive to make it like i do mommy?" oh god do i see that now...thank you so much for pushing me all these years to get my head out the fuckin clouds and bring it down to earth and look at my future for what it is, not for what it could be tomorrow. to focus on making it now, not when i graduate. to plan ahead now, not tomorrow. to take everyday as a new adventure and not as a set back.

i was always told, "there are 24 hours in a day; make something of it."
and i am doing something with those 24 hours now. i within myself, have come so far. & whether the world see's it or not...i see it, i feel it, i will go forward with it. & now i will not allow anyone to hold me back, if they're there to drive with me into my future than baby, ride but i won't let nobody pull me down.

drama & fighting is not the answer. it will only set back the goals of which you set within your mind. ignoring and praying won't make situations disappear (if this does offend anyone, i'm sorry.) i believe in working things out. i believe in sitting folks asses down and talking shit out. i would do it with my biggest to my smallest enemy. like i said, i am soon to be eighteen. and i am damn right going to act like it, yes i am in drama. WHO THE HELL IS NOT. i won't sit there stupid like i am no surrounded by it, and yes it is a negative energy. but its a negative energy that i will no longer allow to touch me. i will thoroughly think things through, and progress forwards. into a future that shines bright for me and that is not full of questions and wonders. but full of answers and fufillment.

for the situations surrounding me right now, i know one of which i asked for, and two of which i can't wait til its over and done and its back to normal. i see a lot for me in the future, and i see a lot of which is coming for me in the future, and its...amazing. i now see what you see. i remember this one time we were on the phone, and you said "you gotta feel his energy to feel him there its..oh my god...amazing words can't explain". & iono if its exactly what you said...but within the last two weeks...i know he was with me. i love you & i thank you for everything you've done for me.

whether i have friends or acquaintances or just enemies or just simply my family. each and everyone of you have made me the person i am today. and i thank you so much.

the biggest thanks to my family, the friends of which i have today because you amaze me with your love each and everytime i see you guys and the one friend that which we argued most, but held on tightest and even if its just a 'fantasy' i see us in the future. and like you said "i wanna see you make it. so we can make it together. and we see each other at that finish line." and i told you "i'll see you there baby i promise." and if any promise that i've broken, thats one i intend to keep to myself and everyone else that pushes me everyday to be the better person that they know i can be.

my biggest gratitude to those that helped me most. and those who are and were in my life. for which not a day goes by i don't reminisce. (sp?) & think about all of those memories we shared.

[trying to be as NOT-corny as possible.]

"you gotta remember that you were friends before and nothing can replace what you had." - my sweetz

so with this all being said and done.


this is my place to find all that i have inside that i never knew.
this is my time to show what i must have always known.
that nothings impossible and dreams come true....
this is my time to shine.

i love you

im killin with this song right nowww! [nelly - my place (1st & 2nd verse) yup] its the shit =) & im def. feelin these words. just parts tho so dont get ahead of your self fool. this could be at a spand of two people, so don't think you know. But haaaa! quit actin like u didnt like it.I used to pride myself on being the other man But now it's flipped and I don't want u with no other man Why can't u understand anything I'm offering I gave you the world but you just wanted arguing From the time I picked you up, until the time I dropped u off again Even flipped out on me at the mall again "it's all his fault again" that's what u telling all ya friends I aint pointing fingers ma, I just wanna call again See how ya day going I know they stressin on ya I know them times get hard that's why I'm checkin on ya It's yours truly ma, I got a little message for ya Anything he can do, girl I can do it better for ya, cause [Bridge]When we laugh or we cry it's together Through the rain and the stormiest weather We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever I heard your friend told a friend that told a friend of mine That you was thinking that we should do it one more time If this aint the truth then hopefully it's not a lie Cause I aint got no issue's with hitting at another time We never had a problem gettin it done Disagreed upon a lot ma but the sex wasn't one Now check it I know u get excited (still) when I come round and bite it (girl)Quit frowin up and quit actin like you don't like it! && that was amazing...never regret.

todayy was a more than interesting day...i'm more on figure of violent personality than i ever have been before where my emotions, principles and knowledge from knowing right from wrong interferes (sp?) with everything that my fist wants to do. But the drive to fight will never overtake my very thought of common sense. i fight because i have resulted to nothing left to do. i fight because i am the person i am. is it right? no. should i do it? hell no. does the past experiences change those answers a little bit in reference to my current situation(s); fuck yes. [no smart ass remarks at all] my love is unconditional. the drive to work things out will take me a long way. I'll work day and night for those i love, lord knows im dedicated....but when my pain is too much, when my anger gets too high, the anger in my arms are too much to bear and i can't handle the smirk on your face. thats a whole different situation. don't stand there like you never told me you loved me. don' stand there like i never once meant nothing to you. don' stand there like you never once kissed me.

like i meant nothing to you at all.
cause lord knows if your apology was sincere.
your love had change to be genuingly true.
god knows i'll drop the anger to work things out.

so am i stupid to want to work things out?
or am i smart? because gaining is better than losing.
&& i'll fight to gain not to lose.

how far would you go for those you love?
& in the end if it goes your way & if it doesn't?
was it all worth it? you tell me.

i'm better off now ..

but i truly haven't missed someone as much as i miss you.
well considering these circumstances. but within these problems..i honestly feel better off. i miss you, yes i do - but i do believe that we both as individuals are better off without each other for the time being...i wanna see us in the future youdig? i love you.






we ride together we die together baby girls for life.
i took an oath ima stick it out till the end...

fucking up & paying your repercussions.

10 months & this is my result.
i went to panda express today & opened up my fortune cookie. it said "your road to success is only begining" so i'm begining to look at everything as a blessing. to even the things that i fuck up & in the end leave me, i look at it as something positive & yeah i cry cause no im not use to waking up & not having you there but i am going to be okay as the rest of us will. im not going to dwell & im going to pick up the pieces i shattered, gather my memories, & i won't regret it at all. because in the end, i do as i always do. i protect & promise someone. just in this case, it hurt someone. as have all my promises normally dwelled on that, whatever. i'm not saying this isnt shit. im saying its the world. spent the past 2 nights crying & today is just overwhelming. (as dramatic as i am NOT trying to sound) just things are and aren't falling into place. the old moves for the better, & some are only meant to be around for the season. & as much as i may love your presense, sometimes its not meant to stick around & im turning 18 im coming to accept that some arent' meant to be around for a lifetime & that those that i started out with...were the ending folks.

*& most likely folks getting this twisted soo...iono make of this post as you wish but this is only the begining of the better from worst & the begining of me missing what i use to have & denying & declining whats coming to me. (as i am begining to already...im sorry) but concluding this entry im close to falling asleep, ive had a good night, im "alright" & i could always use better, i've lost someone very close to me & who the hell knows who else, but right now im only focused on two.

so make of this as u wish.
if you feel you're not mentioned in this.
then iono what to tell you exactly.

so concluding this ONCE AGAIN...i do this a lot..

"in the end its going to be okay, if its not okay its not the end. just remember i love you." - aunty julaine

& God works in mysterious ways.
&& i've always had faith in "Everything will be okay."

soo if this makes no sense, than my sincere apologies.
goodnight & hold your head up high no matter what.

peace love & serenity
["i'm not bitter im mad as hell"]


forgive & forget.
it took being on the verge of possibly losing the person i hated
for so long to cancer to realize that life isn't all its cut out to
be and i must forgive, forget & move on but i will never forget
what i saw, felt, learned & how you helped me excell in being
your daughter, in being a living someone on this earth & in
being a survivor & a fighter for what i believe in & stand up for..

SUPERHUMANNN...

okay....so i ain't posted in awhile but its all good. school starts day after labor day & im far from being finished with school shopping. clothes wise that is, supplies are finished for now. so in reality, im officially caught in between, of something that is different from what i've been caught in between for the past 3 years.. so yep...talk about major thinking...its a pain in the ass but i won't lose sleep over something that's not there....

i'll write later.

boss ladies done did it again.

ooooooooookay! i apologize for the long break in posts my bad buhh august 2nd as some of you may know, boss ladies made a come back :) that was a pretty sick night. major loot spent buhh it all in all was some cool shit. :) so altogether. We went everywhere! :) Memories. & ain't nothing like going dumb at 4 in the morning with the homies! Ooo you dun' know nothing about a sky roof with me & lauren :) J on the bumper, Anthony out the window, Trittanie in the middle & Bre at the wheel! Get on that level! Good shit bro :) Get like me! Hi hater. So the picture to the left is (L-R) Me, Baby Bre, Lovely Lauren & Trittaniee. That was after the two hour get ready aha! :) Good fun && the picture to the righttt is Me & Lauren in the roof with Morgan in the back. Cause thats what we do when we go dumb in a parking lot. You don't know nothin about goin' stupid like boss ladies do boo! :) Good shit buhh that was my highlights. Boss Ladies did attend Northern Lights good shit buhh interesting ending. Buhh we got the homie afterwards & went to kick it, eat & lol went to kick it on a swing...Don't ask good stuff. I'll update this later maybe. Buhh that was us! & ill add more pictures. :) No explanation. :)

cousins last day here.

okayy! so im super tired & its not even midnight...square. just got back from azteca with the family....thats how that went. im super full...and thats not even half of it. buhh when i got home i took a few pictures with the cousin. here's one of the few cause i don't wanna put them all up. buhhhh she goes home tomorrow - home meaning hawaii. she was up here for the university of washington softball clinic and ooo SHES SUPPERR GOOD all athletic :) im proud of her. i remember when we were kids. She's a year younger than me but we're the same grade. don't ask hawaii is a year ahead of washington. anywayyy buhh & i just took some new pictures on the myspace myspace.com/miszkaleionalani get at that! la familia album & the my photos album. tomorrow is baby girls birthday kick so im about to get on thattt! oo do it big :) haters can stay at home cause tomorrows gonna be all folks bein grown. othaa than that! heres the picturess! & ima say goodnight on that note. PEACE LOVE AND SERENITY. God is love, Love Kay.

&&& she goes home tomorrow so im gonna miss her this past week with her was pretty crackin im not even gonna lie. even tho she was gone for more of the time this past week was pretty crackin & always the small talk we had. i love her. & just yesterday it seems when we spent our summer together as little girls in hawaii :) i love you & i miss you and i can't wait till u move to the mainland !! ahaaa if you do!

whaaaatttt...upgradeeee!!

so i dun upgraded the layout - whaaat the colors are looking so fresh ... YEEE! thats what thats about but on the life situation..ooo this shit gets just crazyy .. iono shit be going left right up down and back and forth...U DUN EVEN KNOW BRO! buhh im with my cousin this week comin in from the hometown oahu yessirr..i love her & i miss hanging out with her! so thats on point! lol ive seen her like 3-4 times since my fat summer in hawaii when i was like 4...its been so long dude...ahaaaa. by the way to the left is a pictureeee of herr retarded ass but the fit is on point done by yours truly & edith saufoi. outfit on point queens always stay fresh, YOUDIG?! so thats what thats about and a couple a days ago i just saw the infamous boss ladies all together that was some filthy shit that day i had super funn & then came home & had some mo fun ... filthy bro u dont even know! anyway...so on top of that it was all good. 2nd pic on the right is a picture of all of us that kicked it on sunday :) good shit. left to right its jarrell (sp?) lovely, trittanie, edith, MYSELF, cam cam lol cameron, and baby breezy yessir! that was that shit. & so ill update this a little later probably with more pictures or if ur lucky a video post. ill do it with my cousin make it more lively for the loyal readers. ahaaa....btw i delete comments cause i don't need the feedback on my life. :) anything you feel u would like to share please tell me on myspace blogspot.com/miszkaleionalani message or comment or call or text me which is the way that most the readers have taken it. buhh feel free to do it that way. i like to keep questions personal and u feel free to do wut u want with my answer. ahaaa cant stop no haters switchin words and turnin shit up. buh with that being said. everything is good. and good is everything. love is god. love kay.

this week was okay.

im taking some fat ass risks this & next week. ahaa...scary. and on top of that (good) this week has been good. minus some tiny things but its all in good heart. i have a feeling that something good is in store... (i'll be posting tomorrow; maybe.)

getting better

this is gonna be a short post because i aint got much to say but things are startng to turn out & im really appreciating the better things life got to offer. the clucks is still around (jocked from big sis) but on a real things are really starting to come around. im kinda going back and forth between sanity & breaking down but its all apart of moving on & living the good life. i dont plan to set back & i plan to move forward in all ways & i dont want to have no regrets in this thats why i still try to stay in contact with you & i hope you understand & know that i still care & i always will. 3 YEARS. nahh irreplaceable is more like it no up no down its all oath & i said id be there till the end. all day everyday in every way thats what i say :) all about that homie love. buhh right now just things are coming around, SLOWLY buh surely. so wanted to say that now. signing off. all peace love & serenity.

+ ahaa! new song & i love it.

today was a good day.

today was just amazing all around & im so excited...you have no idea. Treyvin is like one of the best guys ive ever met & me and a close family member just got back in touch .. amazing conversation with her all day (sarah white babyyyy). & whoaa...just great. today was relaxing and comfortable & you wouldnt even understand. I got a fortune cookie says "love is coming your way" & "good news will come to you from far away" so im super excited & i cant wait for everything to just fall into place. im just like waiting for everything to kinda just .. fall into place & get better. :) im super happy right now. & i hope you are too; i miss you i cant wait to see your beautiful self soon. i cant wait...i really cant...okay i think i said that enough in this blog. so in an ending treytrey i love you for being there today & talking to me like all day lol even when your girl was on some trip level talking about i was the other woman...UGH! child im more like his sister..aha! & sarah girl you're something else but im down for you no joke im bouts to get u on that better livin...i cant to catch up with you & show u whats up & hopefully get u on that im living the good life level. & i use to say never.

its a sick to ur stomach feeling..

its the kinda feelings where i really want to fight everyone. just to get out all the anger i have for you. its like where im so mad that all i can do is cry..its like i really cant stand you but i wanna work it out with you...we didnt have much...no im lying we had a lot. but a lot wasn't enough to seperate our differences between our constant battling personalities. yeah a battle. and i really cant stand the mere fact thinking that im the only one having a hard time letting this go. i burnt all of our pictures (first time) i deleted everything and anything about you .. and ur still everywhere. how could we quit something we never even tried? when u still cant tell me why? we built it up to watch it fall like we meant nothing at all. i gave and gave the best of me but i couldnt give you what you need. you walked away & you stole apart of me. & no matter how hard i try .. i can't hate you anymore. buh i guess i held too tight because everything slipped right through my hands cause i still don't know if ill ever understand the meaning of anything thats happened this summer. except for the fact that this was suppose to be the best summer together? remember? the one we planned to do all these things together. i know what you've said about me behind my back. i have trouble believing that you havent because all of these people having such similiar opinions (including you) its interesting to have identical words to what others say when you claim you haven't said anything. so yes if it comes down to it, i do trust you. but trusting you to have my back in all and every situation? no. because ive seen u choose someone else over me. because ive seen you argue with me over another bitch (man and woman). because ive seen the words of others come out of your mouth, and your words come out of their mouths & there is no way in hell you both would have said the same thing. so whos talking? please dont be proud of this cause its not something im trying to cook up. but you have no idea how much all the things ive found out about you is starting to come down & im really not trying to make this work anymore but i am. & im so fucking confused with what i want/need & need to eliminate. & ur on the line of yes, no, maybe & so....all i want is better. & whether everyones mad a me for saying it .. i want better with you in it too. i love you.

The Cutie Boy

So this is Quan. He is just a friend so don't get ahead of yourself. & has succesfully turned a new leaf. He is currently 18. Turning 19 in Feb of 2009 & i can't wait. He's been sober for 124 days so far and its been an amazing journey with him. I've seen him go from amazing, to grief, to sorrow to relapse to shit & back to being the man he wants to be. An amazing guy & always having te ability to put a smile on my face. Would say he's single but hes eyeing a lady, and no hes not mine & im not gonna put his business on blast. ahaa well furhter than what he says i can. (so far its cool.) well just wanted to say that after a night of stress & worry. returning home was okay cause ive been informed of everything going to be "a-okay". so the pushing & shoving wa UN-NECESSARY. but still some worry in my mind for two others. you're in my prayers. & Quan baby im so proud of you. Ive known u since middle school? ahaa...them days. Hold you head high sugaaa. :)

its official ..

im entirely nothing but anger & i need to get it all out. really nothing lately has gone well since kickin it with the lovely (the last good day) so iono its all bullshit..in reality i think i've found 2 MAYBE 3 people i cant trust. from a handful down to zip...girls are bitches, ladys are classy, queens are unique. GET ON IT. girls just be actin silly lately & im so sick of the drama. but i really dont think its the matter of elimination or determining the start of all bullshit & worry so please don't get at me about the elimination deal. i love this group of people i've got just, dont' like the bullshit that sometimes runs inbetween everyone. last night was nothin but a "lets cry to fucking sleep" bullshit. DIDNT KNOCK OUT TILL 6...and i woke up at 8 just to cry some more. my eyes are so dry right now. "There's nothing worse than having everything you want and still being sad", Janet Jackson (Velvet Rope Album) could this shit get anymore worse? i still strongly believe that everyones mouth opening & everything coming to light these past two weeks have really opened up reality for everyone & that now we all know how we are viewed by those closest to us & what we do with that information is now fully up to us & the positivity that comes from it..if any. ahaa...not yet. shit really just needs to go back to the way it was, no drama & when my days use to be filled with the fact that my brother wouldnt let me watch tv and my other brother told my mom i broke the fish tank light (wtf) yeahh...being grown aint as cut out as its said to be. i think i live tense but then again i think i live by trust & betraying my trust really does cut like a knife ...so now what. i might write again today...but positive: i get to see jesse today :).

so lets do this again

this is more of a lets vent blog so you'll see me on a 1-2 daily basis; k? well i swear since 2nd semester started of last year nothin but bullshit buh i try not to surround myself around it im just not vocal about being anti drama & only time ya'll hear me is when im mad about drama so shove it where the sun dont wanna shine. i really dont like drama, i REALLY do love me some peace time & when drama is up then handle is as a crew not as some here some there, and handle it and through. youfeelme? yessir. buh nowadays bitches be here & there gotta keep track of folks before u watchin your back buh i guess its both. & on top of it these silly geek girls .. lol ill keep it at that baby. & so the drama is in the sky & no i wont be the modest bigger person in this situation caust that aint my job so take it or leave it. :) buh on a real making my life public is my decision not yours. so gettin even mo' raw about mah life im fighting the seperation of my life. (call me dramatic & watch my foot upside ur head) nobody and im tellin u NOBODY know how close i was to you & to see all this just fallin apart before we even started walkin is UNBELIEVABLE .. like some break down shit, so i did just that, broke down. & then on top of that got some trust issues with people. but i feena let that go because i know everyones intentions was the best. & even though folks are opening their mouths i see all the mouth openings (sides from yours - geeky ahaaa) to be positive. like people needin' to fill these folks in about some real down shit; yup that needed to be told. people being talked about behind their backs; yup that had to be told. people being some cold ass bitches; oh thas BET to be told. so really i dont see hard in all this mouth opening just that some people dont want the drama that tags along with stating ur opinion in situations & conversations. open your mouth & you're automatically apart of it. IM SAYING THAT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW; OPEN YAH MOUTH AT ANY TIME AND MOMENT YOU'VE OFFICIALLY MADE YOU YOURSELF APART OF THE DISCUSSION, SITUATION && TOPIC. so when you get questioned & defensive like "i didnt say shit who the fuck told you?" cause if u notice i dont trip first hand, yaaap! silly girls.. so really thats some of the stuff thats been going down. socially that is. ahaa :) i lost 10lbs. im super happy about that. that speed up the matabolism & i do that tiny work out stuff :) dope.

i took an oath and ima stick it out till the end...
lets see how well u stick to that story..
oh wait you didnt

where do i start .. ?

its way too damn early this morning. its 2:46am & im addicted to the last year joint "stick wit chu" remix of course with making good love artist; avant & he's only got 4 minutes. iono what im doing with this blog .. probably some posts here & there. wanted to give the readers a chance to get deeper & expand my love for writing. but not at no 2:47 in the damn morning...so i'll have to continue this tomorrow boo. but for the damn record; i call everyone baby/boo so don' think ur or they are special & my mouth never runs 10 miles ahead of me im fully aware of everything i say on here and im still in debate of whether this blog is going to be .. anonymous or fully named. basically if im gonna say "_ _ _ _ _" is a bitch or "shes" a bitch. (count them spaces homie!) & for the readers please dont leave comments stating "why you starting shit" cause we all know i would start shit if i wanted to & it SURE AS HELL would not be online. CALL IT BOO! So this is the first post you kno? okay ur cool :) BOSS LADIES you know wsup. Applications suree .. but we'll check yo ass! ahaaa ITS A FAMILY BUSINESS BITCHES & WE DON' ROLL WIT' SNITCHES. Talk to me. Oh! & for the record. Names Kaleionalani but you can rely on "Ona" or "Lady Kay" INDIVIDUALS have unique and owning names. So get off the babies jocks...cause ima give you the business. (ooo! thats my wordd..!) yup!