its a sick to ur stomach feeling..

its the kinda feelings where i really want to fight everyone. just to get out all the anger i have for you. its like where im so mad that all i can do is cry..its like i really cant stand you but i wanna work it out with you...we didnt have much...no im lying we had a lot. but a lot wasn't enough to seperate our differences between our constant battling personalities. yeah a battle. and i really cant stand the mere fact thinking that im the only one having a hard time letting this go. i burnt all of our pictures (first time) i deleted everything and anything about you .. and ur still everywhere. how could we quit something we never even tried? when u still cant tell me why? we built it up to watch it fall like we meant nothing at all. i gave and gave the best of me but i couldnt give you what you need. you walked away & you stole apart of me. & no matter how hard i try .. i can't hate you anymore. buh i guess i held too tight because everything slipped right through my hands cause i still don't know if ill ever understand the meaning of anything thats happened this summer. except for the fact that this was suppose to be the best summer together? remember? the one we planned to do all these things together. i know what you've said about me behind my back. i have trouble believing that you havent because all of these people having such similiar opinions (including you) its interesting to have identical words to what others say when you claim you haven't said anything. so yes if it comes down to it, i do trust you. but trusting you to have my back in all and every situation? no. because ive seen u choose someone else over me. because ive seen you argue with me over another bitch (man and woman). because ive seen the words of others come out of your mouth, and your words come out of their mouths & there is no way in hell you both would have said the same thing. so whos talking? please dont be proud of this cause its not something im trying to cook up. but you have no idea how much all the things ive found out about you is starting to come down & im really not trying to make this work anymore but i am. & im so fucking confused with what i want/need & need to eliminate. & ur on the line of yes, no, maybe & so....all i want is better. & whether everyones mad a me for saying it .. i want better with you in it too. i love you.