hold still , she changed my life.

i'm happier than i've been in awhile. i'm fully concentrated on me and what i need to do to accomplish the goals i have set for myself . so if none of my readers knew, now you know - i did not graduate from high school, the whys & how comes are irrelevent. all i know now is that i need to get my diploma & continue my education into a career that fufill what i want to do with my life whether it be a career that makes a lot of money or a career that just might get me by . i am not miss cleo & highly doubt i can break into that line of work, so whether one career will live in the state of our economy & the downfall of this country is beyond me - all i know is that if in 2012 this world is suppose to come to an end, im gonna die doing something with my life. nothing can stop me, im unstoppable. i will go far & i cannot be held back any longer. head up, shoulders back & i vow to put my mom in a beach house. & thats how that ends.

i've got me a girl & i call her my baby. definitley knew that when you walked into my life you were gonna be somebody to me, didn't know what or how - but knew you would be. you have that presence i love having in my life everyday. you make a difference when you're around. whether we're busy doing something & i see you for a moment or if we actually get a break in our schedules to spend time together & all i wanna do is lean in & kiss you. in the past month, you've made me happier than i've been in awhile. nowwww, lets not joke - i didn't neccesarily like you when i met you, idknow what set me off - but i honestly sat back & thought shes got way too much damn attitude. but after giving you a fair chance because i was in a bad mood that week & sitting down to talk with you - i realized you were somebody who was just tryna make shit work, bull fit & crap meet. & with that alone - i knew you were gonna be somebody i wanted in my life. & now you're my baby & i'm crazy about you. it was the first time i put myself on the line & walked into the dark for something i knew nothing about. i have the gut feeling that i am five steps ahead of where i should be with us, & it makes me a bit uncomfortable sometimes. then you say something & it makes me feel like im in the right place. i get scared & you grab my hand & pull me towards you. i feel uneasy & you turn around n pull me in for a kiss. when shits hard, you make it easier to breathe when you come around & honestly, that scares me. i love the way you make me feel - but i don't want to be this crazy about you till i'm sure about how you feel. cause my heads screaming get a grip girl, unless you're dying to cry your heart out. but damn you're making it so easy to love the way you say my name, squeeze my hand & kiss me baby.

its us against the world .

if hell and heaven collided again & my life became the field , i finally found who i'd be fighting along side with . through hell on earth , you've managed to come through this bullshit with me . i find complete safety with you , nothing can go anymore wrong then we were and nothing can get any better than what we're becoming . you're always there ; especially when i think you'll leave , you remain still . nothing nudges your feet, nothing bows your head, nothing breaks your loyalty to me .

 

 

& i'll ride for you till he takes me bk home.

 

im scared ;

i really am . things are always changing , going in ten different directions . what do i do .. work , is nothing deep . i enjoy my job if the cashiers/courtesys crack me up or if a familiar customer comes in & we have a "how have you been?" type of moment . other than that . its like nothing else gets me up to work . i spend every minute on the clock hoping i don't see you - school . i get started in april . i was suppose to early , but now i am starting in april . my mom and i agreed that i'm gonna be starting school in the spring and that i'd be a full time student . 5-6 classes throughout the week , working part time & working on the show . i want to get back into dance - like a crew crew, something organized . & then when i graduate i wanna transfer to either sai or cornish , thing about cornish is i don't do ballet , i don't do jazz or lyrical , i do hip-hop . & as far as i've talked to instructors - in the eye of school , hip hop isn't a job . but its my passion , but a dancer is a dime a dozen . but on a more positive note , i am dieting FINALLY . i am eating small portions of food and more food but just smaller. more veggies, yoplait & water . no fast food, soda, sweets or trans fat . i am attempting to stay away from carbs, so two days so far i've had no rice also - only 2 small slices of french bread so its much smaller than the actual bread size of the loaf (if that makes sens) also on top of that had eggs, mushrooms, green bell peppers & for each breakfast i had ONE thin slice of spam sliced into pieces & mixed all that together - & put it on the toasted bread w/ water as my drink . then today i had canteloupe but yesterday i didn't. this is just some what of what i've been eating . everythings new & i plan on losing 80 lbs. my mom gave me a schedule of a diet that she did when she was younger & she lost 50 lbs in three months . & i have till september 29! so for the sake of it - im excited .

mama

you know the groups that moms listen to. the groups that they randomly come across when passing through the spanish section of channels - & then they end up buying their cd, dvd & whatever else they come across? my moms group is il divo, since im pretty open to anything - i find their music pretty good. theres one song that they have called mama & its in english. i've know the words for years now, but after looking up the lyrics last night - i started to cry. this isn't the first time i've cried to this song , but everytime i do - i realize how much i love my mom . how much shit my family goes through and how much she puts up with . how much she has to deal with & how much we put her through . bills she pays when she has no money , bullshit shes put herself through because we needed a roof, and regardless how much i've fucked up in my life - she was there 2 minutes later . mothers ; yes i know they're suppose to - but there are a lot i know that don't . i am so fortunate to have a family that has so many god damn problems yet some how we're closer than thieves . a part of me thinks its cause of my culture, but i really think its cause of my mom . we've been through a lot - we've been homeless, seperated, broke and paying for this in dimes, nickels and pennies . & some how shes managed to always keep a house, keep the house warm & food in the cabinet even if it wasn't the whopper from burger king i wanted . we're spoiled - i'm beyond spoiled . i get almost whatever i want , but i am thankful - i know how hard my family has worked to get where we are now . & even though we scrape by , we make it & thats about as much as i can ask for . so my cousin & i were talking about our futures & we want to see in our lives . i wanna go places , do something big with my life , make lots of money & pay all of my bills on time & in advance . i wanna have sliding spaceship looking doors and a jeep . but before any of this - i know where my loyalty stands . mom you've done everything for me . when you're low on money , & we're out you still ask me if i want anything to eat , you still ask me if i want this lap top or this new something even though i know you don't need to be spending anything on me , you know that some of my thoughts for the future are pretty much endless but you support whatever i want to do even though im sometimes lazy . so what im trying to say is , mama i hope this makes you smile - i hope you're happy with my life . at peace with every choice i've made & how i've grown along the way . cause i know you believe in all of my dreams and i owe it all to you mama .

twentyten is the new shit .

school;

i wanna go to school full time. i want to have classes at the college as well as online classes. i wanna have a backpack with books, notebooks, a binder with a pencil holder inside. i want stickies to note out text books, highlighters to paragraph pages of pointless text but somehow relates to that fridays test. i wanna wear my hair curly & in a pony tail in my jeans & a sweatshirt with my hoops & my amc 3d glasses with the lenses poked out.

 

work;

i like my job. not exactly my ideal job but expanding my horizons, trying new shit & doing shit people would never expect me to do? thats the story. i work with four girls and boss. i barelly know one of the girls but the other three girls are pretty legitimate. one girl is amazingly nice & i can always ask her something and i never feel stupid about it. i think all of them are really good at their jobs; but one of them is crazy to watch when she has a line & the other girl i just love working with her. and the boss is indeed the boss, im pretty open to her & even though shes semi intimidating simply because shes the boss, i like her. *i had a fall out with one of the girls so i feel like tension - but thats gonna go away sooner or later because truth is that i cared about your situation and wanted to help. somewhere in there i thought you were fine (& i most definitley regret telling you.) and in the end, well this is the end. it wasn't that big of the deal to me just i one, don't like tension, two, i like my chai tea lattes, three, i thought you were a really nice person even though you came at me with that fuck off attitude & biiiiiiitch face all the time. eh anyways, happy birthday.

 

on another note though; i might be getting a second job.

so by december 31, 2010 ; i will be a fulltime student & employee.

i would like to have two part time jobs or a job that pays GOOOD!

around my schedule for school & also benefits and such.

 

twentyten is the new shit.

 

NETWORKING ;

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EMAIL: kaleionalani@ymail.com
    ;; just in case ya'll haven't been updated - thats the new links & im on that iphone
       tip so if you needa get ahold of me - all of these will work if not just my numo homie !

sooo; im chillin on the twin (UGH !) with the pitbull fighting for space & comfort. just finished with my 1 day of work haha & im off till laterr this week, ooh what homie. sooo ! next week im registering for school FULL TIME & im working PART TIME right now. im thinking about taking up another job part time too. i wanna fill up my schedule but still have time to take two naps during the week, finish my homework & get a head start on next weeks project n shit. sooner than later, i wanna transfer to SAI & major in graphic designing, as well as take classes to get my degree in psychology. so i wanna major in two fields. sounds hard, but im goin hard on this homie. so till the game ends, till the clock stops. im gon post up on the top spot livin the life.