& i promised.

this always happens. you're the best. thats why everyone chooses their potential lover over the best; right? it doesn't make sense. cause no matter how good you try to be, it'll never be right for me. no matter what happens, i'll always be the runner up to everything i put into this. you saved me so many times before, & i thought we made it a bold promise to hold on to this no matter what, but when it came to you finding the one you want to be with, it changed the whole game up didnt it? you chose your other didn't you? i don't like to gloat what i've done, & i don't expect thank yous but i'd be lying if i said the recognition doesn't make me smile cause it does. i enjoy doing what i do for others, & do it for one reason, all because i didn't have anyone to help me through my shit when i was younger. younger? i'm only eighteen, what the hell is younger - i've been through more than 18 year old should have to & more than my family & best friend will ever know. my secrets stay between me and my shadow & i hope to god i'm not stupid enough to do it twice. but of course as a teenager, i have an overfilling amount of optimism for every little fucking thing that walks itself into my life. so i do each heartbreak & each mistake three times, i only say three because its never exceeded three - but theres always a first. life goes on & my heart continues beating. only problem is when you left it skipped a few. its dramatic & its corny. but i swear when you told me what you did, it felt like 50 knives, 200 stomps, 100 guns. its like my chest caved in & i had no control over it. its dramatic, yes it is. but things never get better do they. cause you claimed to be everything but her. & for most of this, i can say its true. you never did cheat me out. till now. you never did lie to me. till now. you never did change the game up. till now. you never did fuck me over. till now.