myspace blog too.

http://www.myspace.com/miszkaleionalani

check out the blog on myspace too.

to dance with my father - again.

my earliest memories of my childhood are with my dad. he was always into kites & going to mukilteo park & i'd ride around on my bike, get ice cream, play with the dogs, eat & sit by the beach as he messed with his kites, cause he didn't do like them square one string kites but like "professional" i guess, shit - he was always the best one at the park. (except one time i think one of the strings got loose & haha; & the train down at mukilteo took the kite. - it was a big red & white one with grey transparent inside & black trim.) i use to be scared to sleep in my room by myself so i'd share a bedroom with my dad. my parents stopped sleeping in the same bedroom, before i could remember & the he would have the cable in his room too so i would spend the whole day in his room watching movies, doing my homework & just messing around before he came home from work. i would get in trouble sometimes, & he would take me to mcdonalds, or just out to eat - period. old country buffett became the spot. especially the waitress ladys working there would always try & hit on him, we never got into deep conversations but it was always good to just be there, to have him there. me & my mom were close, but not like we are now it was more me & my father then my brothers & my mom. then something happened. he started to work more, the arguing became more frequent & bullshit became a often answer. the family was always, okay - but not good. then you stopped coming home every night. i spent most of my time in my room or in my room during those times, & hanging out wasn't exactly a frequent thing. you would always ask me, do u wanna go for a ride? but i didn't want to - i wanted to talk to my friends & on top of that i uh found my first love interest - never seemed to have a relationship with you after this. but like said before, you stopped coming home. once maybe every two weeks, soon shit started flying in 10 different directions - this is when i became closer than close with my mom. word eventually came to surface that i THOUGHT you had been doing was what you actually doing, you had a bitch on the side. & i really didn't care ; as long as things were still taken care of - but that was too much work. i didn't hear from you for shit 3-4 months? something tells me a year but idknow. i was lived in a CRAMPED household. 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom - & two families. my life was so damn confusing but my mother knew i HATED it; i didn't want it, didn't like it & i had no intention of ever forgiving you for it. but i was with my cousins all the time - it just eventually became a situation that i couldn't live with - & we moved. you made a entrance then an exit out of my life. stretched over 3-4 years but it was a quick one. you & mom are officially seperated . but i don't hear from you anymore do i? cause the girlfriend. thats the only thing. i try to call you atleast once a week to once every two weeks ; but i'd be lying if i said i was making 110% effort. things are not good between us. everytime luther's song (dance with my father) comes on, it only kills me to think that something could happen. idknow how to fix this, how to make this better. i dont know if i should call you or if i should what!? idknow..yeah you PISSED ME THE HELL OFF, YEAH - i don't understand half of your damn decisions or the fact that i'm the only daughter you were there to bring up - why you keep disappearing off the face of the earth? (ANOTHER memory) it was when i was little, i had my pink footie power ranger pajamas. Iz (israel kamakawiwo'ole) was playing on the big entertainment system you had in the tv room. idknow how but i remember it was morning, it was sunny outside but who knows if it was warm all i remember was the sun was glaring through the windows on the carpet below the sun roof we had in the tv room. i didnt know how to "slow dance" haha i was just a kid, how would i? but i stepped on your feet & you were holding my hands & we were dancing lol idk why, but i remember it - everything. idknow what to do, but a situation isnt one - but two. i need to get off my ass & do something before its too late, before i'm the one saying i'd give anything to dance with my father again... i love you daddy.

3 Posts in 1 Day. (I Wanna Be Close/Avant)

"Wanna Be Close"

its a decision..

that i've got to make.
even tho either way ima fuck myself over.

but i'd be lying if i said i don't believe we're suppose to be together.
because i do.
but i'd be lying if i said i'm not waiting for you to come to your senses.
because i am.
& i'd be lying if i said i'm not inlove with you.
because you already know the damn answer....

haters UP lovers DOWN

Money Hungry.
& for that, a JOB.

Future Grind.
& for that, an EDUCATION.

i don't look down because i have no intention of going down.
i go up, way up all the way up, to the very tippy top of this bitch.

haters up lovers down.
go against me, try to down on me.
dont be mad cause haters are wishin to be.
really think about it, why u spend so much time thinkin of me.
ain't it cause deep down you really do love me?
haha clucks are crazy & haters are my favy.
im determined to do all this but i'm lazy.
but that no matter cause @ the end of the day my vision ain't hazy.
& my goals are attainable not crazy.
so love me hate me you ain't gonna break me.
& this my haters, lovers & babys; i can guarantee.

& i promised.

this always happens. you're the best. thats why everyone chooses their potential lover over the best; right? it doesn't make sense. cause no matter how good you try to be, it'll never be right for me. no matter what happens, i'll always be the runner up to everything i put into this. you saved me so many times before, & i thought we made it a bold promise to hold on to this no matter what, but when it came to you finding the one you want to be with, it changed the whole game up didnt it? you chose your other didn't you? i don't like to gloat what i've done, & i don't expect thank yous but i'd be lying if i said the recognition doesn't make me smile cause it does. i enjoy doing what i do for others, & do it for one reason, all because i didn't have anyone to help me through my shit when i was younger. younger? i'm only eighteen, what the hell is younger - i've been through more than 18 year old should have to & more than my family & best friend will ever know. my secrets stay between me and my shadow & i hope to god i'm not stupid enough to do it twice. but of course as a teenager, i have an overfilling amount of optimism for every little fucking thing that walks itself into my life. so i do each heartbreak & each mistake three times, i only say three because its never exceeded three - but theres always a first. life goes on & my heart continues beating. only problem is when you left it skipped a few. its dramatic & its corny. but i swear when you told me what you did, it felt like 50 knives, 200 stomps, 100 guns. its like my chest caved in & i had no control over it. its dramatic, yes it is. but things never get better do they. cause you claimed to be everything but her. & for most of this, i can say its true. you never did cheat me out. till now. you never did lie to me. till now. you never did change the game up. till now. you never did fuck me over. till now.

let the rain fall down.

cause at the end of the night, i'll be there waiting for you when you come out. i need to look deep in those eyes, to look past the whys & your disguise & show me the real person underneath your smile.

http://www.booskeejay.blogspot.com/ is my newest subscription. i think ya'll should check it out. ima come back on her entry she wrote. entitled "dreaming or reality?" on august 14, 2009.

lemme tell ya'll its 2:26 in the morning & i'm crazy tired right now.

how beautiful would it be to finally be in your arms. how warm would it be to finally be protected by mans weapon of mass destruction, pain. not of physical pain, but pain of the heart, soul & mind. the warmth & shelter you bring everday with your love, is something no other person in this world could possibly give to me. when you smile i can feel all my passion & truth unfolding. when you cry its like my life is truly crumbling, don't you see? you're my shelter, you're my cover. how beautiful would it be to finally be your one true love. to be wrapped in your arms, to be kept warm, to be safe & wanted. to be held so softly & loved so gently. in the shelter of your arms on the crisp of the bedsheets i smother myself into the warmth & comfort of your chest i bury my arms into your shirt & i inhale all that reminds myself of the love i have for you. you take cover of my heart & stroke each strand of hair so gently as if the mess of a bun i created was created with a delicate & precise process. you unclip my hair & let it flow freely onto your arm and pillow as you comb through my hair the exact way i hate. i squeeze more into your chest as if there was anymore less of an inch space left between us i look up to you, as if you read my mind turned to me & kissed me softer than i swear you've ever before. my lips purely, my nose slowly, & my mind surely. a tear drops from the corner of my eye for i never thought a love could feel so safe, loving & true. i hear my tear drop to the sheets. click click click.. i close my eyes & realize i finally found what i was meant to find after all this pain...love; i drop another tear..click click click..the love was no warmer than my blanket, the shelter was no more than my walls of my bedroom & my tears were no more than the rain beating on my window seal...i held onto my pillow tightly & shut my eyes as my mind attempted to travel back to its place of peace love and serenity, i place my thoughts in drive & plead with whoever put this thought of beautiful unconditional love into my mind to not let it stop here. i closed my eyes more attempting to never wake up, held to my pillow & whispered..please don't let it end here..

editted posts.

I have made a choice to reply to messages/comments that I've recieved on myspace about an entry I made on August 7, 2009 - titled: "Even Though..." I made an addition to the entry & starts in that entry where stated. Feel free to check it out by using the archive to your right or simply scrolling down & using your eyes to find it? Wanted to inform my readers & my daily questionaires about this or that, that & this. Thank you for reading my blogspot, you are appreciated!

its all love.

historical videos...

so its only 1:14am & i'm bored & awakee and surfing the library of videos that youtube has to offer & just thinking back to when i was little & the things i use to watch like rocket power, doug, hey arnold & all that flashy stuff. :) old school television shows? whasgood brah. keep twos.


Number One Commercial. It Still goes hard.


i wanna be, i wanna be like mike!

i prefer...

i love me a thick girl, could just be because i'm thick too but can't deny it. i don't like stick thin girls (only have liked one small/double thin girl.) i love me some big hipped girls with the strong thighs to match. i like a good ass (define good as you will.) & chest. she gotta have soft skin! but at the end of the day - confidence, attitude & definitley personality can change this all up.

i love big boys. never been with one & never really found one, but i love big boys. but them ripped men i know aren't lost with words - cause LORD knows i love a bangin' body. pretty smiles & beautiful eyes are my killers. a nice butt - not a big butt. i don't like chicken legs & i love big arms. he's gotta be able to lift & help me with costco grocceries. piercings are limited - but if you have them please don't tell me the artist lied to you and said it looked good when it didn't. big feet :) & muscular hands are mmm so sexy. but like i said - confidence, attitude & definitley personality at the end of the day can change this all up.

only thing i can't do is yuck-personal hygiene, arrogance, dishonest & disrespect.

don't really know why i put this up - just thinking about things i guess.
BUT really. personality, attitude & confidence can change all of this up.
but when it comes to matters of the personality - thats a whole different entry.

little something before bed.

freestyle . really off the top of my head.

yeah its the truth.

she was even better than the last.

she kinda put a sparkle in my past.

but i bet the next is gonna be even better.

&& ill love her better & bathe her in cheddar.

haha who still says cheddar?

all the boys talk about changin the weather.

be the weatherman & change the forecast

go big & get better service than verizon v-cast

but yous just an ass for bein her last

if i was her last wouldnt even be a cast

cause id make sure the past is the past

i wasnt the first & i'd give a bitch that

but i know when to treat a lady like a lady

instead of like THAT ..

even though..

its MORE than likely that we hate more than love each other.

Happy Eighteenth Birthday Bubba
& i hope all your wishes come true.

_im adding something august 12, 2009_

i got a couple of comments/messages via myspace about this post. it truly isn't anyones business but i did take it upon myself one late ass night to post this, & because of free speech, i did. its nothing in revenge or bullshitting cause its the truth, i do hope all of her wishes came true & all of that jazzy shit. when it comes down to it, me and urenna were friends for three.five years & even tho we are both at ends now & definitley moving on with our lives - she still was a big part of my life & forever will be whether its the same to her or not. she still is the same person to me as she was & has been since day one. im sorry & i apologize if this bothers anyone that i put this up here, but not enough to take it down & not enough to care much after that. because in all honesty, its my blog & not yours & if it bothers you so much then real talk? don't read my shit.

138,000 Signatures.

how does gay marriage hurt anyone? if you don't like gay marriage then don't have one. how is it your business what other people do with their damn lives? ignorant ass people fill this damn country i swear.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2009588638_ref71campaign03m.html

bullshitting.

bullshitting everyday all day. its kind of irritating and i dont really know what to do. this blog entry isnt gonna make sense. its truly gonna be a blog of a bunch of bullshittin. literally. so here it is. i dont really know what to do and i dont really understand wtf is running thru ur head. u say one thing,, think another and do a whole different thing please stick to one thing but then again, i doubt u will. my love life is kinda going on a death line but i really dont mind it cause good sex is good sex, sike jk. sometimes i wish i could be like a guy and maybe fuck with a few girls and see what it feels like not to give two fucks minus two shits over someones feelings, well maybe care but not care enough to do something about it. maybe, shit who knows. and ur crushing. wtfuck. i hate you, i really do. something in me still wnats to beat the living shit out of you. i really do hate you, like i hate hate hate you. fuck do i hate you, but a part of me still loves you but all in all, i hate you. thank you for ruining a lot of my life, you heartless son of a bitch.

summmmerrr heaaat!

In the beautiful words of my boy T.DAVIS! Seattle's NOT! hot .... its SIZZZLINNNN...haaha! damn..if any of my readers are in the seattle area, you KNOW what im talking about. the damn heat and HUMIDITY is going in twenty different directions. spent the last two weeks out with my divas or familia EVERYDAY. edmonds beach is where my favorite water resides, or the packed ass martha lake where all of lynnwood tends to find themselves...either way, we find a way to cool ourselves down. the late trips to edmonds for our conversations are gettin deeper and deeper.

Either way, if you live around my way you'll know what im talking about. Everyone running around half-naked! & every damn somebody in the water. Theres no way ur hittin the waves and no ones in it, its hot as hell in this bitchhhhhhh! Worst news from all of this, my house has no air conditioner. So youuuu KNOW yah girl is cookin' up, talkin about marinating in sweat (borrowed from the genius NiNi).

So on that note, as much as i'm sticky, uncomfortable, and sometimes - not even sometimes; but all the time too uncomfortable to sleep and spend more than enough time trying to find the coldest spot on my bed and then fall asleep before the coldest spot turns into the hottest spot. falling asleep in tank and shorts with the fan (Which successfully blows hot air all night) on all night - @ the end of the day; yah girl is enjoying the heat wave. Seattle is reaching record high temperature and for the first time in a damn ass minute, is HOTTERR! than Spokane - SINCE WHEN HOMIE? Thats what im saying but either way - i hope EVERYONE enjoys their summerr and this BEAUTIFUL summer heat. if its too hot, jump in the ocean i promise it'll keep you cool 2-3 hours afterwards. it banggginnnn. KICKS UPPP!