HI HATERRRR !

i don't know you from adam. theres no difference between you & blow joe down the street because what you said is true i don't know you. & thats the truth i don't. see the thing is, i attempt to surround myself with people i find interesting, real, down to the core up front. i like the bitchee girls, i like the quiet girls, i like the too much drama girls - because i wanna know why they act like that. why shes so bitter? whys she so mad? first time i saw you i wasn't even in there for the job, i was getting gum & mentos. you looked bitchee. i didn't know why, & even though for most people they try to turn the cheek to people who come off like that - i'm intruged. i find it interesting, attention grasping. makes me wanna dig, get to know you, what happened that made you so angry, what made you so bitter, what made you have that scowl on your face that seems to come too natural. but even though i take chances at talking to people with all these things on their mind, i want to. NOT to fix you, NOT to help you - but just to know you. i find it amazing - personalities, anger issues, reasons why girls talk shit, & why guys don't care that much. i find it aggravating & irritating but interesting. but speaking towards my PAST situation as of today - i met you late october, week before my birthday i think? didn't know you from adam. but this attitude that you seemed to have, this wall that you had up & that infamous "bitch get the fk away from me" look you had on everytime i said hello - ran me up a wall but i wondered why is she like that & furthermore why the fk is she like that with me? but you definitley came across to me who was a good person, who just seemed really interesting. so as tme passed, we talked & got a L-I-T-T-L-E acquainted (sp? ; like a little fucking little). barelly anything but something. found out you was in some PBJAM & i could only help a little but i did VOLUNTARILY.
     - ! noww . lets explain this. if ANYONE knows me ya'll can just ask this chick garcia. i do for anyone & everyone. part of it has to do with my culture, another part has to do with my family & then MOST of it has to do with the shit i've been through. i'd give my biggest enemy the shirt off my back, the worst person i know a helping hand & i wouldn't second guess it. my problem is giving. (MOST HAVE DRUG ADDICTIONS, ALCOHOL BINGES, SPOUSAL ABUSE - I HAVE FUCKING GIVING PROBLEMS; - oh wait & i can put a sailor to shame with my ability to put fuck, shit, bitch, motherfucker, bitchassness, & ass into anything. - do i think its cute? no. but am i ashamed of it? no.) no matter what you may have done to me - no one deserves pain. & i won't put it to anyone to deal with any of the shit i've been through. so why you ask that i gave you 150? & didn't even know your middle name. why i gave you an Louie V? & didn't even know your middle name. cause thats the person i am. i never had one damn person in my life be there for me except for my mother. i am spoiled, i've never wanted for anything. but for the year my life was hell, i didn't have a home to call my own, an address to give to my school or a HOUSE phone to call anyone or be out anywhere because i had NO ONE. my mother taught me more than i ever could imagine, & even though the OVERgiving, TOOcaring of a person i've become because of that has gotten fucked over, screwed over & spit on more times than i can remember - i'll continue to do what i do, give what i can, love everyone & care for anyone because no one deserves to be anything but good.

who said you wasn't? i didn't. but i just wanted to get to know you.
& i definitley don't hold it to you what i gave to you, but i can't deny that i did. & i didn't know shit could end up this twisted after i did nothing but try to be cool with you. but that shows that no matter how much you may wanna be cool with someone & just get to know them for them, you can still get burnt.

NOTEEEE THIS THOUGH;
i don't take it back, you're fine as hell.
your confidence puts your smile on a diff level.
your attitude makes conversations intruiging.
& your ability to tell all & jack shit at the same time
is some of the most interesting shit i've seen in a min.

if it makes you uncomfortable? i don't know what to tell you.
cause i told you i didn't wanna tell you & you said to tell you.
ACTUALLY; you said well i don't handle face to face well so 
its best to just tell me this way. (bold words are done by me)
so i do & well we both know how that bullshitters went .. !!
so when i ask you if we're cool? & you say yeah we're cool.
just tell me the truth? im a BIG GIRL i can take the truth.

but at the end of the day, you're an interesting ass person.
i think you're good people still & i'd still wanna get to know you.
but i think the past four days was just taken to a level i didn't
want it to be - i just don't like tension, & UNECCESARY drama.

so i thought we'd clear the air & call it good shit?
but then again we both know that shit didn't happen.

                                        e i t h e r .

STRICTLY "STRICK"

so when i told you i didn't like you - i didn't. then the friends asked me more. the "suppose to be" knew it when i bought up the situation. & the fact that i cared after absolutley jack shit ; idknow - it all happened before i knew it - i'll tell you that much. when i told you in person that i don't like you - i didn't. somehow i ended up doing the total opposite & here i am. i'm definitley not chicken enough to go after it boldly. i don't want to break up a good thing. thats not me. then again thats also what i said about liking a girl whos already in a relationship. am i gonna say something? probably not. am i gonna do something? in my head. so eh, if you ask me how im doing? i'll tell you like shit. ;; cause in the end - i'll still take a venti light ice chai tea latte.

i guess i deserved that.

after having one of the most awkward moments of my life yesterday when i saw you & then today; it wasn't anything compared to seeing you yesterday but i still didn't wanna. i got them thangs you wanted, now idknow what to do with it because its not gonna work with me so i have to return them & for some reason i feel bad. today i wanted to talk to you but i couldn't, one reason is the obvious & the other is the bullshit. i hate this not being able to be the person i am cause the whole mu'fuckin world misinterprets all the shit i do. (following is to ANYONE) believe me, if i wanted yours i'd go after yours but BELIEVE im not chicken enough to dig like that. i guess todays bullshit i deserved i just hope the awkward bullshit dies down. cause like said either ima be mad quiet or ima spit some shit i shouldn't. & all hell gonna let loose; nah not really but its gonna be some shit. fk...well hey, you looked good.