it could be initials it could be a nickname, you guess.
i don't know you outside of the environment that we met but you're a serious attention grabber. i saw you when i first went there and i always thought you were very, pretty. never much more than that since, well - i didn't know you. you looked cute in the same thing i always see you in & i caught a glimpse of your smile. & if no one knows, now ya know, i love me killer smiles. your make up was simple, your cheeks weren't glowing with cover up & your eyes just emphasized eye contact. i just looked at you out the corner of my eye tossing the thought back and forth if i was ever gonna go over there. so anyways, my day carried on and i did what i wanted to do & left. i glanced over in your direction as i was leaving but i didn't see you. didn't know if i'd be seeing you again, but i did. i saw you for awhile, and a lot. i wouldn't say friends, we're not really on that level. but your smile is a serious makes my spine shake. you walk in with this "hi" attitude & its kinda intruiging but i know me & you are on different levels, so i kinda simmer down and don't make that big of a deal out of it. thats the day i started questioning myself while we were together, "i wonder if shes single?" but i didn't want to ask - didn't want to put you off or get you thinking i was looking cause at that moment i really wasn't. anyways, down the line you helped me when shit got rough & i honestly wanted to quit before you really did help me & put things into paragraphs, bullets & shit i could understand. hopefully after a million thank yous, i am sincerely (sp?) thankful for all of that work you did and continue to (till this day) helping me get better. but sometimes you have this look, makes me wonder. my mind tends to wander if i get nervous, i think about things, people, life, love & relationships for some reason to calm me down. i kinda looked at you in the reflection of the anything or out of the corner of my eye just to see if it did anything to me, you gave me butterflies? (& i honestly stood there thinking:
what the fuck is wrong with me? this chick don't even talk to me on that level. "ona get off her shit.") it was a serious inside my head fight with my brain, conscience & my feelings. feelings? how the fuck did feelings get into this? yeah don't ask; cause guess whatttt...i don't know either. & on top of that you seriously came off to me like a
please don't talk to me but talk to me the first time i got to talkin to you then i became
SLIGHTLY intimidated by you. either it was your status (not relationship wise.) or just the way you were, but it didn't put me off i just took a few steps back from you, didn't feel like wanting to get on your bad side. but either way - one thing led to another, & by that days passed & things carried on as they always did - barelly. & i eventually find out you're with someone. (
well shit, theres that chance. - that was my initial first thought that came into my head.) i'm good with resources, so i sorta looked into it. found out you've been there for awhile & that you're good. (good is a subsitute for another word, cause if i say the
word i want to it will be
more than obvious who this is about.) i asked my best friend about it & she was like "well damn" lol & we agreed that theres other fish in the sea. (like any other best friend would tell her friend.) & i continue (tonight) thinking to myself all them "what ifs?" like everyone & anyone else would. love? HA! no - hell no. one of them "kiddie crushes" that grown folks get i guess. i'll continue to see you & i'll continue to do what i'm doing & you'll continue on your way. if you figure out that this is about you, i guess hit me up? i'll be more than awkward & i'll have like an inside but
very obvious freaking the fuck out moment. but if you read it & just know its about you then damn. guess the anonymous thing didn't really work out. you all by yourself, are a really amazing person. beyond what i do, don't & haven't begun to even understand about you. from the little that i know, the over abundance amount of information that i don't & the time that may or may not come that'll let me get to know you. i know one thing today & 4 years from now; shes lucky to have you.
