You're Changing..

i'm sorry i can't adhere to everyones wants and needs. i need to go after what i want & whats gonna change my life. shes the best thing thats came around for awhile & idknow where to place the blame for what happened. i'm mad because i had faith in us, only to know i couldn't have been more wrong. i knew i should have given up on something working out because of your situation & my place in your situation. so why did i push? because you kept on effin' kissing me. you kept' on effin' ending up in bed with me. yet you stood there & said its not meant to be; & im sitting there after all of it looking at you like "what the fuck?" so many times did you remind me of someone..don't tail on peoples affections and emotions for your own reasons, its selfish. but we made it clear that you were selfish to begin with.  so why do i give you all of me? why do i sit around waiting for you to do the same? you give me more than what you give others, so am i suppose to accept that as you giving me something? cause its more than you've ever given anybody else? besides from that one time? yeah i'm the lucky one. cause at the end of today, i was the one who was crying & u were the one who didn't give a shit. so idknow, you do what you do & ima' do what i do. but you need to check your company, cause baby; you're changing.

changes changes changes

Today was insane. The bestie done chopped her hair real short & got crazy tight curls. She's looking crazyy beautiful & it took nothing but me & a tall can of mango arizona tea & the big hand passing the hour mark three times. But thats her to the left. <--- lookie! Today made me wanna get my hair did, but also todays amazing news was that i have a job interview on saturdayy!! Im so excited & i have no damn idea what im wearing. Soo, this will definitley be a mission. Mom says she wants me to save & pocket but im gonna get me my shoes that ive always wanted, my hair diddd!, i need my liscense, uggs, itouch, & definitley a windbreaker & shit cause winter is coming & freezing. Walmart will get a visit from me! So yep, that is the deal more updatess coming soon.

its definitley official.

my life is a running on a course of bullshit & bitchassness. but i'll take pleasure in it. so we all know i barelly have any friends, much because of my senior year or because i choose not to have as many acquaintances as i did before because of all the drama & shit. so after nailing it down to like 4 people, 2 have dropped off the map. you all will figure it out in your own time but ugh this is more than mind boggling (is that the word?) & i cannot stand to even grasp the thought of this shit continuing. i cannot stand stupid shit, nor can i stand rude or disrespectful people. i don't take a lot of shit, atleast thats what i like to tell myself - but if i reflect on my life, thats a damn lie. i take a lot of shit, too much bullshit, & yet i turn around & dare to complain about it. ugh sometimes its a "fml" stage but mostly, i love my life. but for the sake of last nights argument, i don't believe i was wrong, i believe i was right & if at the end of the day for the 50th time of you stating "you don't know if you care anymore" & all of that serious bullshit then like i've said so many times before, grab your shit & get the fuck out. self pitty my ass. i deal & dealt with my bull & i'll continue to do so, for all the damn bull that comes my way, well i'll deal with it one way or another. & for the sake of it, i'll never fucking deal with someone disrespecting my house the way you did ever again.

Mobile Update

I fell in love & now it hurts. So you can imagine what happened. It almost hurts as bad as the last one did. I hate that im here, again. So here it goes - another period hours, days, minutes spent to getting over another bullshit escapade and making everything right. Again. Notes for anyone & everyone: dont love.

Mobile Update

So i guess im going to have to be getting use to this mobile updating from my phone cause my computer is on the fix. 36 viruses? & at that i dont know how or who did it. I havent used my computer in a few days & when i did i used my mozilla internet browser. So yeah & =( im really sad cause i think im gonna have to wipe it clean but i wont find out till later. But on the upside i will prbaly just be sending yall little updates & shit till i get my comp bk & up and running. Im sitting around watching the game, yesterday was kaipos 25th birthday & a lot of shit changed yesterday, well it will be changing cause i have no choice. So yeah yall keep it comin, facebook aint my thing but i got one, but you can find my myspace link to the right & just leave me one there i will be checking it here & there &&! Oh & the big sister (debbie) has blessed ya'll readers with her blog read about her at http://www.debbiethreet.blogspot.com/ Will update later or tomorrow. Ill hit yall with them big updates when i use a computer.
;onalani

MOBILE UPDATE

its the kinda sex with no spark/just two bodys caught in the dark/ we tease our tendencies just cause we can/ this was a disaster before we even began/ they say sex is not everything but it sure can pave the way/ im not going to agree nor disagree with what everyones got to say/ the fact of the matter is theres too much sex with no money in the economy/ yet everyone got wine taste beer money like they won the lottery/ parents screamin girlfriends dreaming and a girl whos just there/ she comes with love joy & everything thats not fair/ but like said its just sex with no spark/ just another mistake hidden in the dark.

Updated Next Day: This is just about two people who have sex but don't love each other. It's about teen pregnancy & there being no money anywhere to help all of these teenagers getting knocked up. Yet all the kids in the world have wine taste & beer money. & that Sex is just sex, but as soon as you're pregnant, its another mistake in the dark. Enjoy.

its raining but she made it FIRE!

changed it up a little bit today, but literally only a little bit. the colors are still the same just a few additions. new picture because the old one i have on all of my sites, this is an old picture from like September of 2008 but its still my kinda how i look my hairs a little longer? & no more sideish bangs. so today found out that mcdonalds monopoly is on so i got lazy :) & got mcdonalds & now im a not yet successful player :) bangin' man. lol i've always like that game, like i use to when i was a kid take everyones stickers before i handed out the food & blame it on someone else. (jealous.) so if you have speakers or earphones you would've heard this song thats going hard on me lately, its called number one sex the guy is r.kelly but some say the girl is keri hilson, even though she IS singing to a girl instead of a guy. i like it, since im bi i always wanted to find a song of a girl singing to a girl, it fits half of me. :) so anyways. dance practice has been a succcess & half success today. kinda been irritated all day oh! & i am officially mobile connected to blogspot. so i might be doing some text updates from my phone? just maybe. im still in desperate need for a job & i want a car, but right now im just tryna reach my 19th birthay. grow up right? yeah i needa. anywayss. so up till then it'll be love sex & magic. ;)

she says im the champion.
look up the lyrics to the song & you'll understand.
number one sex - rkelly & keri hilson.
it goes hard playa.

empire state of mind.

theres a lot of shit i don't tell anyone. its a matter of the fact that im too scared or not sure how to say it. i need money. but how do i say im desperate for a job? i know those around me want me to go back to school & get a job, but where the hell do i look? walking isn't exactly my number one choice, but right now thats whats on the top of the list - & if it needs to be done, it will be done. job choices like a damn barista is popping into my head, nothing wrong with the job, but me? a barista? not exactly what i pcture. but i did picture money, & any job gets me money.

i got a lot i wanna do. just gotta do it, but oh yeah - im dancing a lot now. :) julianas (http://booskeejay.blogspot.com/) senior project is coming up & shes doing the same thing i did; so that means a whole lot of organization & planning, damn near everything i DIDNT do last year; haha! so i'm just helping her to stay on top her game, cause if this ish' is sicccckkk! then shitt; that'd be hella legitimate. & ima use my graphic designing skills to make her a poster, & post that shit hella places & go places cause its all for a CAUSE. all the money raised from her show will be donated to an abused kids foundation, this foundation hasn't been chosen yet - but when she chooses ya'll will be the first to know. we're bringing performances back from last year too, not the exact ones though, we're gonna give them a little twist & addition :) i plan on helping her go ALL OUT with this show. make it one of meadowdales most SUCCESSFUL senior project.

yeeeee brah.
get your head out the gutter.

i guess this was expected.

but the drama is irrelevent to my life.
& no im not talking about the girl i've been talking about.
im talking about everything and anything else.
ugh the drama is a die out lifestyle.
& i've moved on.

YOU on the other hand is on a different level than drama.
you're on a 'you fucked me over your own damn blood for bitchassness' level.
don't you feel special?