ill be there..

hello everyone. aint really been gone but felt like writing today. i still cant begin to even comprehend the fact that the king is really gone. music has always had a strong grip on me for the past 18 years, especially the past 4. michael jackson and janet jackson (as most of you should know.) are my idols in the music business. they are true performers, with talent that exceeds the average mind.

i havent really graced blogger with my presence in awhile. a few posts here and there, and reccently a little bunch of rhymes i put together while laying back in the blankets. its just been a little update of whats going on in the life of kaleionalani.

well for those who don't know i am (no need for the curious) i am bisexual. so today i was blessed with my first actual "girlfriend". its a relationship im looking forward to. i choose to remain anonymous lately ; just because i know a few of those who read this blogspot. shes an amazing girl with a beautiful smile. shes the sweetest person i've met in awhile with a heart warming embrace to match. we've known each other around 4.5 years and we've been great friends with such an understanding argumentative relationship - that its crazy that we've ended up together. but gotta say this boo boo ; i love you . and if i ever meet ya ima` give you the world.

the DIME DIVAS are the newest throwback addition to my life. we're not a crew but 3 girls that i hate saying all their names ; every time so i just call them my dime divas. they've all individually come a long way. lemme take a few moments to explain these girls just so we're understanding each other. the first one i've known forever ; miss deborah . mature, wise, sweet, beautiful, crazy, mood & amazing. craziest thing ; we've been friends for a rounded six years - and this is our first year at being so close. and i don't think i would've chosen anyone else to spend my senior year with. shes the wisest of them all with an edge and an attitude to match. she won't snap her fingers but she'll snap anyone into place. the second is the cousin other wise known as breezyana (breyana) ; six years short we've been close off and on. we've hit many walls - but luckily it was made of weak shit cause we came out like savages. shes come far with building herself - shes learning but shes growing and in the end doesnt matter what happens but how you respond to it. last but definitley not least! is the amazing baby girl ; juliana garcia - whatchu` know about that morenita ? shes the most amazing girl her age i've met. shy but strong, naive but wise beyond her years, smiles through tears and one by one defeats her fears. shes come so far its crazy to think i've been here since the beginning! she was moving mountains before she knew she could ; & its just been a forever building strength that she will grow til she passes it on. i am so proud to be friends with all of you. you've all brought a sort of amazing quality to my life and i don't think ; no i wouldnt have survived this year & i mean literally .

but this is just a little re-cap. i'll be trying to post atleast every other day ; if not ill try atleast once a week with a novel to write. live by the breeze and breathe with ease for tomorrow brings another day and another reason to smile all over again. if you want to make the world a better place, make a little space & make a better place. will be with you sooner than later and forever rather than till the end.

rest in paradise..

Rest In Paradise

Michael Joseph Jackson

August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

You are the most talented man the world has ever been blessed with. Although you've gone through your personal problems, you have never failed to show the world strength through pain and happiness through your music. You always had faith in all that you did & showed us what a true performer is suppose to be. You have never failed us or left us in doubt. & even though you're gone your spirit, your music, and your voice will forever remain with those you've influenced. No one will ever be able to duplicate your work, ridicule your accomplishments or diminish your record. Your fans & unconditional love shows that you were truly an angel at heart, & you will forever be missed & may god bless you with everything you've blessed us with.

Personal Note:
it seems stupid that i'm writing this on my blog. but believe it or not, michael jackson, janet jackson, and my brother are the reasons that i dance. they are why i keep going with it, because i want my talent to show what they show. the king of pop, the queen of r&b, and my older brother are my idols. for forever & a day ; i love you. because when i dance its not just dancing, but its a moment of my life where time stands still, all my problems in the world disappear and nothing and no one can take this feeling of LOVE away from me. I only hope that everyone else gets to experience the AMAZING AND UNEXPLAINABLE feeling that i feel when i dance. Heal the world, save the childrens & preserve the love left in our hearts for others. <3

Peace Love & Serenity

sometimes...

i wonder what it would be like if we were all still one.
if all the half ass stories & drama could be undone
would i have taken the worlds advice?
but im writing this so i can get PRECISE
exactly to the way feels, touching on exactly how i feel
i hate touching on memories that are gone so i try to conceal
conceal the fact that it still hurts when i think about us last year
and how every once in awhile i come close to shedding a tear
i broke down enough this year when it got pretty severe
its not that im learning how to breathe on my own
its that the ending of us hurts down to the bone
and even though im okay & thats the truth
the way these friendships ended pulled roots
memories kill me little by little everytime i think about it
how we're not friends but enemies kills me when i think about it
and i admit ; that part of my life was a bitch
i guess the future we pictured ; wasnt pictured with each other
and that we really arent gonna do it big with one another
and that at one point i should've listened to my mother
shit ; i should've listened to my brother
to not get comfortable becuase they wouldn't be around for long
& that the way im living my life day to day was all wrong
and that my circle of friends wasn't strong
and that my mother was right all along
this wasnt the way i pictured my life to be this year
would i have faced my worst fear?
i wanted all the fighting and drama to disappear.
but we all know that wasn't about to crack
the lines became clear as white and black
the memories of us still took over my mind
& i knew that i had been blind
blind to the fact that this was all just high school
and at the end of the day if i react ; im the fool
i miss you guys ; and thats a fact
& im not the kinda girl who likes to act
act like things dont hurt ; when they really do
cause at the end of the day it really is if you only knew
but this isnt just a poem full of rhymes
but this is just a thought that comes around ; sometimes .

its not the end.

its just beginning. been kinda tired lately ; been tryna find out what im gonna do with my life all the while fighting my high school for the bullshit they're trying to pull. but its all good cause i got my d-i-p-l-o-m-a word homie. either way;im tired as hell. im sitting in the school library kinda watching what juliana is doing and thinking about what the world is asking considering the fact that im here. yeeknow? its kinda sucky..to the left is the picture of my dog and me on graduation day. i wasnt able to walk because my teachers suck ass . but i have no one to blame but myself.either way ; with that being said. i am once again tired. writing in this while im in school but technically not in school just at A school is kinda odd considering the fact that like meadowdale really isnt my school anymore. i mean it is and always will be, but yikes maneee! idk its not the end, its just the begining. it doesnt change how i feel - or how much i miss the people ive lost. because beyoned the pain and torture - i won something, i won this - this battle. this battle of finding yourself before you reach the end of the road. the battle of trying to conquer the world and the moon all at once. i won my life...back.